I gave up wondering if anyone was ever going to understand me at all. If I was ever going to understand myself even. Why was it so difficult anyway? Was I some kind of nut or something? Don’t answer that.

‘Well, now,’ he said in quite a different tone, getting back to what he supposed to be first principles. ‘Since you are capable of doing things for such extraordinary reasons, why should we break off now? Why can’t we continue our little intrigue just as we have been doing?’

‘Because now I’m in love,’ I said. ‘Now I should hate it.’

‘Ah yes,’ he said quickly, ‘that is what you must try to understand about yourself. You are not promiscuous. That is exactly what I want you to see. You waited twenty-one years before you accepted a lover – ’

‘You make it sound so – ’

‘Please. You waited twenty-one years before you accepted a lover and, whatever you may say now, you chose very carefully.’ He shifted in his chair and his hand flew to the immaculate knot on his tie. ‘My dear, permit me to know a bit more about you than you think. You are emotionally extremely deep and still not wholly awakened. Yes, it is true. One must go slowly. With someone as passionate as you there is always the danger of her going off the deep end, and you must not be allowed to go drifting from one affair to another. It would be disastrous for you.’

It occurred to me that this was the second time that day that I’d been cautioned about drifting. Three times and I’d get a parking ticket.

I glazed my eyes and thought, I’ll just sit tight until he runs down.